i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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