when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
