I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
