my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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