Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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