so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
