I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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You're a waste of cheezeits
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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