Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I supernannyed him into submission
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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