don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
