Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
