May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
