Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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