Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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