I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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