New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
