I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
