I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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