ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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