Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
