Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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