It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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