At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
