ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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