I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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