I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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