evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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