Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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