ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
