I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
