Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
