what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
