If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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