There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i love accidental penises.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
