Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
