Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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