I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
