theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
