I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
