Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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