Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
