I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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