a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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