ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
