if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
