No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
