I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
