I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
