does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
