Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
