Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
