Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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