every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
