My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
