i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
