i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
