my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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