I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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