somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize