dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
