You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
