"it" just moved
someone owes me an orgasm
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize