What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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