Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
